"I was a single mum for two weeks and I fell apart"

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My hubby (to-be) Jesse booked a trip to Europe. His best mates live there and I knew how much he missed them, so I encouraged him to go. 

I didn’t really think about the logistics, I just knew he had to be there.

To keep me sane, we enrolled Axel at a new childcare centre. 

But the weekend before Jesse left, Axel started acting up. 

On the Friday, we went to Dromana for the weekend with Jesse’s family and something was just not quite right. 

Axel fell asleep in the car and woke up almost angry. The entire weekend he was off.  

Come Monday, we chilled. 

Jesse was leaving the next night so we were very grateful to have a family day together. 

Unfortunately, Axel fell ill so the day consisted of us staying at home and having cuddles. No wonder he was grumpy over the weekend.

Tuesday he woke up still pretty sick and that evening reluctantly Jesse hopped on a plane. Happy/sad face.

For the next six days, he was still sick. Poor little bubba. Maybe he was love sick!?

So I juggled mum life, running a business (whilst launching another), cleaning a house and looking after my sick baby boy. 

We spent 90 per cent of the time at home and I spent many late nights working. 

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It started to get very challenging but something clicked and I went into full mum mode. 

I quickly learned that you have to be super-duper organised. 

I got this. I made batches of chicken soup and mince and kept them in Tupperware containers in the fridge and freezer. 

I washed. I cleaned and I kept the house in pristine order. I made healthy cookies so I could bribe Axel, which worked a treat.  

Then a slight hiccup - the dishwasher broke. Of course it did. Oh, that’s just life testing me. 

I ignored that little hiccup and I continued to excel. 

I am woman hear me roar. I don’t need no man! I am a strong independent woman. 

Then the dryer broke. Really!?

Week two became quite challenging. Axel didn’t want to go to anybody else. 

He would not let me out of his sight - he even followed me to the toilet. 

There was absolutely no way he was going to childcare.

I tried to drop him to mum's house so I could go to a meeting, but his separation anxiety was at an all-time high. 

We tried all the tricks in the book but nothing worked. 

He just wanted to be with his mumma. OK, just breathe. He needs you.

My spirits were getting low. I was up working most nights 'til midnight and was waking up between 4 and 5am (thank you, body clock). 

I knew Axel was seriously missing his daddy so I pushed and pushed and pushed. 

I wanted to ensure he had fun so I took him to quite a few activities as I thought he seemed better.

By day 10, I could feel my body falling into a heap. 

I had a boxing session (the first in two weeks) which I was determined to get to.

When we become mums it’s like we gain superpowers, and my superpowers excel when I exercise. 

I needed my superpowers back. 

I tried to get Axel down to sleep but he wouldn’t go. 

He fell asleep in the car on the way to my PT session. He woke up grumpy AF crying his little eyes out. 

I was pretty worried as this was unusual for him, so we drove straight to the doctor. 

It turned out now he had an ear and chest infection. I felt like the biggest mole in the world.

The next few days we cancelled all our plans and stayed home. 

I was now sick as a dog as well and I just wanted to sit on the couch and watch movies. 

That is not possible with a toddler, especially a sick one. 

The coming days I clicked over 60 hours+ of playing Paw Patrol since Jesse left.

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A couple of days later, I pleaded with Axel to please let mumma rest. 

He didn’t, and for the fortieth day we played Paw Patrol and he used my body as a Paw Patrol race car track.

As I wasn’t giving him my full attention, he continued to smash his brand new Paw Patrol jungle car (bribe present) into my foot, hard. I lost it, threw it on the ground and sent him to bed. 

He took himself to bed crying and when I went to tuck him in he continued to kick and hit me, something he had been doing for more than a week.

I lost it and yelled at him "GO TO SLEEP". 

I had officially snapped (which was very unusual for me) so I took 10 deep breaths and I burst into tears. 

Then I did my yoga and meditation and instantly felt at peace.

It was only two days before Jesse got home. Hallelujah! 

The next day Jesse’s mum came over and I quickly escaped and went for a run. Instantly my happy juice was back. I was back to being me.

When D Day (or should I say Jesse Day) arrived I had a huge smile on my face. 

I picked Jesse up from the airport at midnight and I gave him the biggest hug I have ever given. 

When he got home Axel was of course sleeping, so Jesse crept in and kissed him on his forehead. Instantly he woke up and hugged him “you’re back”. He was so excited to see him that he didn’t go back to sleep. 

The next day, after I had a peaceful nights sleep and Jesse was up with Ax haha, Axel went straight back being the happy child he was (with the exception of his new “toddler” attitude).

He was Daddy obsessed and I was old news. Of course, he was.

I asked him if it was good to have his dad back and he told me he that he "could now go to Grandmas”, something he refused to do when he was gone.

But, I was a single mum for two weeks and I failed. I thought I was invincible, but I’m not. I ended up broken. 

Single mum life is hard. Single mum life is one of the most challenging things I have ever done. 

To all the single mums out there, I want to acknowledge you. Especially those that don’t have any help. 

You are appreciated. How you do it I will never know. You honestly deserve a medal and a giant bear hug. 

Being a mum is the hardest (and most rewarding) job in the world but being a single mum is next-level empowering. You are an inspiration to us all xo

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